The May 2nds: Vol 64
In a galaxy far, far away, May 2nd was once a date that commemorated 2 individuals making a vow that they’ll be together forever. A point in time that seemed to make sense in every possible way. A chosen date: the bride wearing white in most cases; a color theme for the bridesmaids; the groom and groomsmen wearing tuxedos with cumber buns in matching colors. Church or service and reception: time, location, venue, from simple to ornate. The flowers! All these would defy the odds to leave an imprint of a relationship ever after. This ceremonious act is the pivotal junction of 2 separate lives, legally fusing them emotionally, economically, and socially. And, their consummate love may wholeheartedly bring children into the world.
So, in that galaxy far, far away that me is not who I am now.
Presently, I am knowing how to be my own high quality partner. When I am able to see that in myself, then I am able to see that in connection with others.
Yes, I continue the work with my trauma therapist and life coach. At times digging deep can be so painful and yet, the journey that leads to the answers is both freeing and exhilarating. I would not wish anyone the marriage I had endured. That was mine to experience. This was part of my soul’s journey.
My wedding day was planned to a “T”. My marriage was NOT. My soul had to take me on that journey of knowing the difference between wedding vs marriage. I needed to learn how to listen to those differences. Marriage is relationship planning…planning for the long haul…the ebb and flow of the dailyness of life stuffs. Trust. Respect. Connection. Love.
The May 2nds are not as fiercely emotional as they used to be. I’ve had a 20 year marriage, and it has been 14 years since my divorce. The May 2nds have gradually softened through the years.
This is about my internal movement. The softening of my heart to immerse in knowing my core values for relationships. It’s my soul’s on-going magnificent journey of being still to listen to the stirrings of my essence: why I made the choices that I did; what were my influencers, internal and external; how do I continue to stay in my truth and live in my truth; I have choices…
Then, there’s forgiveness. Not to forget the atrocities that my children and I endured while being married, but to forgive myself for not knowing what I now know. And, to take responsibility and be accountable for those choices I had made. Yes, I have courageously arrived at that place of forgiveness. To stop at this point would all be in vain.
My accountability to be living my truth is to continue to work with my life coach and trauma therapist and to do the work. And to have fun doing it…And, along the way I will meet and be with my wonderfully, high quality, evolved life-partner.
In my galaxy, there is an internal calmness as I pass thru The May 2nds. It’s a juncture that no longer controls me. For me, I feel this sense of freedom. Freedom gives me hope. Hope brings me joy….. Freedom brings me joy, and joy brings me hope….
